What You NEVER thought you'd hear the RK cast say!
by Talks to the Moon
Summary: OK.. this is an early story of mine, reposted now after a depression- induced take down of all my stories. I decided that it need an intro, so even if it looks familiar, this part might be new. Please give me your thoughts, and I'll post the rest! Than
1. The Best Radio Advertisment EVER!

An Introduction..  
  
This is Talks to the Moon, reporting live at the set of Rurouni Kenshin, which she, obviously, does not own..  
  
[A beautiful young woman is walking through town with a tub of tofu, her younger apprentice tagging along. They come to a clearing in the street and three thugs approach them. The narrator sits quietly in the bushes, wondering, 'gee, what will happen?']  
  
Thug 1: Hey babe, where've you been all my life?  
  
Thug 2: Har har, wa's in the th' bag, sweetheart?  
  
Thug 3, grabbing the purse from the lovely woman: A gift, ya shouldn't have!  
  
Yahiko (the young apprentice) (Duh): Hey you bastards! Give my sensei back her money!  
  
[He runs to thug 3, and is promptly thrown onto a nearby tree. (Sweat- drop from Talks to the Moon -_-*)]  
  
Kaoru (the lovely woman) (again, Duh): Oh no! Yahiko, are you OK?!  
  
Yahiko: Just Peachy! Go get them, huh? Hag!  
  
Kaoru: All right, Brat! (To thugs 1, 2, and 3) Listen you punks, I can't let this insult go unpunished! Kamiya Style-  
  
[Kaoru gets cut off as thug #4 (surprise!) arrives and proceeds to backhand her.]  
  
Kaoru: Hey! I wasn't finished speaking. oh, hi there. (laughs nervously.)  
  
[Thugs advance]  
  
Kaoru: Oh no! We're not good enough to fight these guys, (TTTM: even though they didn't try -_-*) What'll we do?  
  
[....]  
  
[Crickets chirp. the cast looks around.]  
  
Kaoru: I SAID, 'WHAT"LL WE DO!!'  
  
[.......]  
  
Director: CUT! Where the hell is Sanosuke?! He's supposed to come in, have a great brawl with the thugs, but get over powered, leaving room for Kenshin to come in!  
  
[TTTM (nodding in agreement): says so in the script.] SANO! Where the hell are you!?!  
  
Sano (speaking from under someone... glomped to his face and torso): Muh hu MUFF MU!  
  
Minna- san: Eh?  
  
Sano: I SAID, 'Get her OFF ME!' WAH!  
  
[Rooster has been knocked over, again; Megumi has been trying to suffocate him with her.. er.. lips, it appears. Sweat drop from Minna-san. Sano is currently pinned by the fox...]  
  
Director: OK Minna, it's OK, we'll just continue without him.  
  
Sano (squeaks): help me....  
  
Director: AND- ACTION!!  
  
Kenshin (striding in from around the set corner): Kaoru- donno! I'll save you. again!  
  
Yahiko (speaking from the tree): What am I, chopped sushi?  
  
Kenshin (to the thugs): Please, I must insist that you stop. I don't want to hurt you-  
  
Thugs (in unison): Uh, OK, we give up!  
  
Kenshin: -But, since you leave me no other choice-  
  
[Kenshin proceeds to beat them senseless; a good ass kicking to be had by all. well, most.]  
  
Thug 2 (speaking through a broken nose, jaw, and most other things painful): Wh-who are you?!  
  
Kenshin: Me, well. I'm Supergirl, and I'm here to see the world!  
  
Hiko, Saito, Jin-Eh, Aoshi, and Shishio (from the coffee/sake table in the corner): ORO!?!  
  
Want to know what the *$?@#% is going on?!  
  
It's a bird.  
  
It's a plane.  
  
IT'S  
  
THINGS YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D HEAR THE CAST OF RUROUNI KENSHIN SAY!  
  
With your hostess, Talks To the Moon  
  
[Holds up 'applause' sign]  
  
Please be warned, the following radio program contains material which may not be suitable for mature audiences. It WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS, for the newbies of the show, just watching it on Cartoon network and the like, and will be hilarious, but be warned: this is not for the faint of humor or heart.  
  
Tune in next week for the first installment of our program and keep it tuned to WTTTM, the only station stupid enough to come up with it.  
  
Listener discretion is advised; the following will have profuse mention of adult and childish themes, as well as profuse swearing on the part of kindly characters, and severely emotional 'bad' guys. Singing is also a likely consequence. If you have a problem with any of the aforementioned- you've got some attitude buddy! Get out and don't bother flaming the station, the hostess, me, will just laugh maniacally anyways!  
  
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
To others who dare to brave the show: Have fun!  
  
This is Talks to the Moon, saying "see you next time!"  
  
A production of TTTM broadcasting, all rights to jokes reserved, material not owned, but borrowed for the purpose of making viewers, like you, laugh yourself out of your hakama!  
  
Arigato for listening, and don't for get to write your requests and comments to the station (IN OTHER WORDS: REVIEW PLEASE MINNA- SAN!) 


	2. Installment 1: Hostess TTTM goes underco...

Final UPDATE: I have reposted yet again due to my depression- induced removal of the story a little while back. Now this is the first installment after an introduction, and I hope you enjoy! Thank you all so much for having patience and love!  
  
UPDATE: OK. I admit it, I have re-posted this fic in order to receive more reviews from all those RK fans who didn't see my fic when it first came out, and then subsequently got buried under all the hundreds of other Rurouni Kenshin humor stories, which I encourage you to read--- AFTER YOU HAVE READ AND REVIEWED MINE! ^_^* OK, well I promise that this will make you laugh, and if you disagree, agree, or can barely breath due to laughter (hey..it could happen..maybe..) ANY TYPE OF REACTION WILL DO, just please, I beg, review!!!! (Hey that rhymed, hehehe -_-*) So please excuse my shameless acts of self-promotion, and have fun!  
  
Original Author's notes: ALL RIGHT... Now, sorry for having to re-post this.. but I messed up the last time and FF.net is kindly giving me a second chance.. Thank you SOOO much to SUSAN, my first reviewer, this re-post is dedicated to you...and now, lets see if I can do it right this time. @_@*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, nor do I wish them any disrespect or harm... well, maybe Shishio...O_o*  
  
A/N: Ooook.. this is a random compilation of a bunch of thing which struck me as funny.. 'nuff said. Hope nobody minds some cursing. Please note, though, that I really do love the Kenshin- gumi and all their affiliates.. I just saw a page like this and thought I'd try my hand @ it.. right, well here goes.  
  
**Stuff you Never thought you'd hear from the characters of Rurouni  
Kenshin**  
  
Once upon a time, in the land of Kenshin out -takes, the characters of Rurouni Kenshin said some things to me that they now probably wish they hadn't.. But now, with out further ado.. the stuff they don't want you to hear is out! ..  
  
[Morning, Talks to the Moon is hidden in the dojo set, listening in..]  
  
Enishi: "Kenshin, man, I love you!!!"  
  
[Everyone sweatdrops as Enishi snuggles with his plushies (eeep!)]  
  
[On the other side of the set, Misao is having one of her 'loving' moments, while Aoshi meditates... again... and Kaoru pretends to be on "Change of Heart"] Misao: "All right, Aoshi, that's it! If you don't say something right now, I'm gonna seriously kick your ass!"  
  
Kaoru: " Thanks for saving me and all guys, but I think I'll stay here with my little Enishi"  
  
[Thoroughly bewildered by such behavior, our hostess waits patiently for some sign of normalcy (fat chance -_-*). While the next stunts are being shot by some poor, underpaid extra in a suspiciously familiar red wig, some of our main men are taking some 'alone' time, to speak to sponsors, and do, erm... other things.]  
  
Saito: "That's why I switched to the Nicorette Patch, to help with the cravings.."  
  
Kenshin: "UUUGH! Ohhh Sano! Oops. I mean, Ohhh Kaoru!"  
  
Enishi: "Forget this 'Earthly Justice' crap, who's up for some Go Fish!?"  
  
Shishio: "I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain..!"  
  
Sano: "Megumi, not now; go away. It's too early and I'm tired."  
  
[ That afternoon, after Saito gave up on his commercial gig and bought 4 cartons of Virginia Slims with his pay check, she listened in to snipets of backstage conversations at the Akebeko..]  
  
Yahiko: "Sure, Kaoru, I'll scrub the dojo floors! Would you like me to give you a foot message afterwards?"  
  
Kaoru: "God Dammit Kenshin! If you say Kaoru-dono one more time, I swear I'll go back to sleeping with Sano!"  
  
Kenshin: "Man, I am so sick damn sick of saving everyone's ass all the time!"  
  
Yumi: "I'm sorry Shishio-sama, but I've joined a convent."  
  
Sano: "Yoo hoo, oh Keny, come back to bed please!"  
  
Hiko: "Oh Kenshin, I'm so sorry for being such a jerk, please forgive me?"  
  
Saito: "What's up my homey G's!"  
  
Misao: "I've decided to take a vow of silence."  
  
[This being followed with several cat- fights between Aoshi and Megumi, Subame and Hiko, and Kaoru and her split personality, the rest of the cast bets on the winners and trade cigs for sake bottles. As a third of the set has now been demolished and the interns bearing de-tox kits for our heroes have been frightened by the shear number of times ALL of the aforementioned screamed "Rurouni- loving bitch!", The break ends and the last shooting of the day starts...]  
  
Sano: "Kenshin, violence is not the answer."  
  
Kenshin: "Two words, Enishi: Oedipus Complex!"  
  
Sano: "You're right, as usual, Megumi my dove."  
  
[Talks to the Moon is definitely weirded out, but the public deserves the truth: she vows resolutely to follow the cast to the end of their work day and into their busy night lives. Finally, after a looooong day's *cough* work *cough* .. the cast are being debreifed by the director and preparing to go out together for a night of ..]  
  
Aoshi: "Hey guys, what are you doing tonight? I thought we could go clubbin'!"  
  
Saito: "Can I get a hug here, please?"  
  
Hiko: "Hey guys, guess what we're gonna do today in my AA meeting!"  
  
[Fed up with his role for the day, Kenshin stops in the parking lot in front of his porche and rounds on the lit of them]  
  
Kenshin: "To hell this 'No violence' crap, I'll kick your fuckin' ass!"  
  
[ At that point, Talks to the Moon ran out of tape and her bitter cursing might've attracted attention from the irate actors, so she high- tailed it outta there, swearing to return one day.. as soon as the feed back from her show hit the fan]  
  
This has been a service of TTTM broadcasting. stay tuned for or re- broadcasting at 11 tonight!  
  
**The End**  
  
**FOR NOW**  
  
**Bwahahahahahahahaha -choke -wheeze -hahaha -cough -cough -haha!**  
  
* Any who, tell me what you thought Minna-San! Arigato, de gozaru ka! Ja,  
~ Talks to the Moon ^_^* 


End file.
